732

I don't mean to brag, but I still fit into my high school parking lot where I hang out looking for dates.

When people say they don't want to have kids because it's too expensive, it's like they don't know how much they go for on the black market.

Will you help keep my tits in my dress when we go out? Someone needs to keep reminding me that I am NOT in cancun anymore

In an interview, Lady Gaga said she actually liked the rumors about her having a penis. In fact, she said they make her laugh so hard that her balls hurt.—Craig ferguson

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband
said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at
the same time."

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your penis is bigger
than your brother's."