Best

Taking on the chin.

Ricky Martin IS gay. You owe me $5 from 6th grade.

Take an exercise ball...to the face!

Best cry ever! Seriously.

“Once I find a certain shaft, I mean, certain shafts fit at different lengths. They feel great. I mean, the shaft I use at the Masters is great. One length of shaft I’ve used now is at a different length. So, it’s one of the experiments and once you find one that works, it’s pretty great.”

(ConanObrien):
I'm a simple man. I start every day with a cup of joe, the morning paper, and a lavender Pan-Asiatic body scrub from my man-servant, Lobo.

(BettyWhite):
My muffin hasn’t had a cherry since 1939—from SNL skit

(Funnyordie):
The guy who coined "put that in your pipe & smoke it" was probably trying to find out if something on the carpet was weed.

(FussySaffa):
Hey imbecile, just because you are listening to loud music on your iPod, doesn't mean that the rest of the supermarket can't hear you fart.

Sad news, the world’s oldest person passed away. Age 114. And the cause of death—you guessed it—knife fight!”—Craig Ferguson