Top Five Texts More »

(616):

In between sets of puke she had time to gasp for air and admit to a fart. What a way to start the new year

(832):

If him missing a thousand times doesn't make my first time awkward, then imagine how it was watching him do a vicotry dance afterwards.

(307):

I've lost my keys before, my cellphone, even my car...but I never lost a person... WHERE ARE YOU DUDE??

(716):

Yeah. First heroin, now online poker. Government is taking away everything that is America!

(313):

I'm definitely still drunk and more than likely high. I also feel like I ate rocks which is oddly satisfying.

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Top Five CelebrityTweets More »

(BadBanana):
At least the 2012 Mayan Calendar has pictures of cute baby animals.
(ConanObrien):
When I really need a good laugh, I just imagine Edward Scissorhands attempting to eat crab legs.
(louisck):
I wonder how many dogs it would take to kill and eat a whole cow. and has one chicken ever been smarter than another?
(CharlieSheen):
today spent w/ brilliant cosmetic dentist Dr Kevin Sands! the grill now perfect for Fiat, DirectTV & Anger Managment! …
(TylertheCreator):
I Wish More Girls Had Freckles Man. I Legit Have A Folder On my Computer With Photos Of Chicks With Pretty Dots.

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Top Five Tweets More »

(sucittaM):
If you tell people that your bald spot is really a third knee, it still looks bad but at least it's more interesting.
(JoshHara):
I'd love to live in a world without childhood obesity but still occasionally see a fat kid cry when he runs out of cake. Is that possible?
(RichardHoale):
The moon. Now there's a fairly useless ball of crap.
(DamienFahey):
I'm outside Whole Foods asking people to sign a petition to stop people from standing outside Whole Foods asking people to sign petitions.
(Ianwearspants):
Sometimes I pretend my hoodie sleeves are elephant trunks. My vote counts just as much as yours.

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Top Five Jokes More »

(579):

Mitt Romney has come under fire for his pledge to eliminate federal funding for PBS. Romney said, “When I'm president, the only operated puppet speaking to kids will be me.

0
(238):

Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is under fire for a remark he made in Iowa about black people. The remark has sparked outrage among Iowa’s black community, otherwise known as Steve.

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(652):

Tonight is the new season of “Jersey Shore.” It promises to have all of the name calling, sex scandals, and backstabbing of the Republican primaries.

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(689):

A man who calls himself the grand warlock of Mexico has predicted that President Obama will not win re-election. The grand warlock's real name? Juan Hannity.

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(734):

Mitt Romney says President Obama's promises are like Kim Kardashian's wedding vows. President Obama shot back. He said Romney’s positions last about half as long as a Kim Kardashian wedding.

0

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Top Five Videos More »

( Hi-yah! )
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( Bag'd! )
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( Storm! )
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( Exploded! )
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( Waved! )
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