
Top Five Texts
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My teacher just asked what is the standard position? Wanted to say missionary, then I realized she was talking about triangles
Hey, I put your tooth under the flower pot for you
(1-401): Thanks babe!
I'm gonna have to start hiding his lighters when we drink. he lit my pants on fire again.
I woke up with his number drawn on my stomach.
(1-201): are you going to call him?
(201): I would, but there's also picture of a penis w/a mustache next to it and that's just weird.
I kept findin hairs in my mouth. I opened my eyes & realized I had my face in his armpit.
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Top Five CelebrityTweets
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Top Five Tweets
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Top Five Jokes
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Here in California, some Starbucks stores have begun selling beer and wine. When asked why, a spokesperson for Starbucks said, “Because sober people don't buy Michael Buble CDs.”--conan
Google Plus has introduced a new policy that allows nicknames. Unfortunately, it's a nickname they give you based on your search history.
A new website just came out that’s designed to calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn your salary. So from now on, whenever Mitt Romney is running late, he can call there and say, “I'll be there in five teachers.”
Olive Garden announced they're undergoing a makeover to try to increase business. They're so desperate they're even considering serving Italian food.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she has dirt on Newt Gingrich, but so far she's keeping her lips sealed — because that's how the last surgeon left them.
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